For months and months I have prayed and begged in desperation for God to confirm our decision to adopt. I had heard so many other stories from my fellow adoptive moms about Christ showing them through verse or circumstance his will for them to adopt their little one. I have to admit, there were times I felt lonely and a little forgotten, because even when I would get on my knees and cry out to God, I still never felt as though I received confirmation. I would try to read a verse from every angle and look at a situation and form it into something it wasn’t. During my quiet times, I almost felt bombarded with verses that pertained to everything in my life except our adoption. I remember saying out loud, “God, I don’t need to hear this right now! I need confirmation that we have chosen the right path!” And yet, months went by and nothing. Looking back on it now, I see his perfect path. Every verse I read, or situation I was put through, was forming me into the person that I am supposed to be now for my daughter. He knew my needs even when I didn’t see them. I was so weak and vain, that I thought I needed to determine what the Lord was supposed to show me. “God, show me this now!” How arrogant and ungrateful I feel now. Aren’t we so blessed that he is a loving and patient God and puts up with our temper tantrums? His timing is perfect.
This morning, I woke up nervous and excited for our court date. I opened Jesus Calling and this is what it said:
“You are My beloved child. I chose you before the foundation of the world, to walk with Me along paths designed uniquely for you.”
And then, the verse given was Ephesians 1:4. I took out my bible, and here is what it said:
“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In LOVE”
As I do so often with books, I had to keep reading. What my eyes saw made my heart and soul swell with joy and love. He hadn’t forgotten me. He needed me to go through the trials and make me the person I am now to show me and confirm our adoption. Here is what I read:
“He predestined us TO BE ADOPTED as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.”
How unbelievable is that? For a person (me) who is filled with doubt (thank goodness He forgives), I was speechless that this was the passage presented for June 18, the day we officially adopt our baby. I know I am not deserving of His attention or love, but I feel so fully blessed by both right now.